A coworker asked for prayer this week over a family situation. This isn’t uncommon. Family-related concerns are the most common prayer requests I hear, other than health concerns. Why is that? If I think about it long enough, I could write down probably 10 or more family-related concerns I’m either actively praying about or have prayed about in recent months.
Navigating family is hard. You don’t have to look far into the Bible to find familial dysfunction. Some would say the first evidence of tension among family is found in Genesis 4, others would say Genesis 3. Regardless, where there are people living in a broken world, there is hardship.
It’s a heart issue
Genesis 4 tells the story of Cain rising up against his brother, Abel, and killing him. But what led to this happening? We see that before Cain murdered his brother, he was angry after the Lord had regard to Abel’s offering and none to his.
So Cain was very angry, and his face fell. The LORD said to Cain, ‘Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is contrary to you, but you must rule over it.’
Genesis 4:5b-7
The Lord, who knew Cain’s heart long before Cain made his offering, told him to rule over his sinful desires and temptations, but we know that ultimately, he didn’t.
God knew Cain’s struggles. He also knew Cain was capable of ruling over his sin.
When we build up anger and resentment against people in our family, we have a choice. We can act on that anger, or we can rule over it. The New Testament takes this even deeper by saying, “For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander” (Matthew 15:19). It’s a heart issue, and our heart condition is what matters most to God. To God, hating your brother, or family member, or anyone, is murder. We are called instead to love – and love through grace and truth.
Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.
1 John 3:15
But, praise God, He doesn’t leave us in our sin. He doesn’t leave us defenseless to fight the battle against sin and the enemy. He gives us tools to rule over anger, bitterness, and temptation. If we are in Christ, we have the power within us to defeat this battle with sin. We have the power to destroy strongholds.
How do we destroy strongholds?
Paul tells the church in Corinth how to destroy strongholds:
For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete.
2 Corinthians 10:3-6
Merriam-Webster defines “stronghold” as “a fortified place.” A place that is fortified has defenses in place to protect it against attacks. I like to think of this as how a castle may have a wall built around it and a moat and drawbridge. Maybe it has turrets for soldiers to look out and be prepared for any forthcoming attack.
A fortified place – a stronghold – is hard to break through.
Paul tells the Corinthians, “the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds.” The divine power those of us in Christ have is more effective than physical defenses such as walls, turrets, crossbows, and trebuchets. We have the ability to destroy, to completely obliterate, the strongholds in our lives through the divine power Christ gives us access to.
What are strongholds?
The strongholds we face in battle are often false thoughts and perceptions. Remember, the serpent in the garden (Genesis 3) used deception and falsehood to get Adam and Eve to think falsely toward God. He still uses this method today, and this is one stronghold we aim to rule over as Christians.
We must remember that “though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh” (2 Corinthians 10:3). In other words, “we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places” (Ephesians 6:12).
Abel wasn’t Cain’s enemy. God wasn’t Adam and Eve’s enemy. Eve wasn’t Adam’s enemy, and vice versa. Satan, and his dark forces, were and are the real enemy1.
The whole armor of God
The weapons of our warfare that we use to destroy strongholds are laid out for us in Ephesians 6:10-20, which Paul also wrote. This is known as the whole Armor of God. He instructs believers in Ephesus, and by extension all believers, to “be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil” (Ephesians 6:10-11).
Here are the tools we have at our disposal according to the rest of this passage:
- Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth,
- and having put on the breastplate of righteousness,
- and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace.
- In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one;
- and take the helmet of salvation
- and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. (Ephesians 6:14-18)
When we put on the whole, full armor of God, we are armed with:
- Truth, which is the knowledge of God and all He teaches us in His Word.
- Righteousness, which is given to us through Christ’s sinless life sacrificed on the cross at Calvary and then raised up in victory over death and sin, saving us from God’s wrath.
- Peace, which is ours in Christ.
- Faith, which is what we live by, knowing Christ reigns and is sovereign over all.
- Salvation, which is ours in Christ and cannot be taken from us. (John 10:28–29; Romans 8:31-39)
- The Word of God, which is Christ, who is revealed to us through the Holy Bible. God’s word is truth and He is our ultimate authority, not our feelings or what the enemy and world tries to say is truth.
And with this, we are capable of destroying strongholds! We obliterate sin before letting temptation take hold of us.
We can overcome the temptation to believe the enemies lies about our family members. We can overcome the temptation to distance ourselves from the family God has given us. We can overcome the temptation to cause hurt. We can overcome the temptation to listen to our sinful anger.
We can destroy strongholds.
Keep alert
Finally, Paul warns all of us to “keep alert with all perseverance” (Ephesians 6:18). This means we must have an awareness of possible schemes by the enemy. When the false perceptions about family members (or anyone) begin to form into something bigger in our minds, we have to rule over it with truth. We have to be able to recognize and discern what is true and real and what is something the enemy has baited us with.
And we have to choose righteousness over wickedness. Good over evil. In humility, we choose to die daily to ourselves and our fleshly thoughts and desires, and we take up our cross and follow Jesus. Rather than giving in to sin, we choose to walk in the righteousness Christ has given us access to.
Here’s a very practical verse I refer back to often when I get in my head about something:
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
Philippians 4:8
Think about these things, and don’t give the enemy a seat at your table.
All scripture references are from the English Standard Version, unless otherwise noted.
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- We have to remember there is a real spiritual war that is ongoing against good and evil. It’s a reality, but we know Jesus has already won the war, and goodness prevails. Christ won the victory! ↩︎
Anna Moore 
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